“I Would Rather”

i just copied this from Karen’s forwarded emails. hehe citations.

I Would Rather…
By Mr. Oliver M. Tuazon

LOVE is not a feeling.
If you are young, i would not be surprised if you areshocked with that statement. Every time i say that invarious speaking engagements with young people, i getan almost unanimous vioulent reaction. Until i explainit.
I am writing down my explanation to fulfill a promisei made to my students last february, “the love month.”But shool yearender work and seminars ate up my time.Now that June, “the wedding month,” is just a few daysaway, i guess it is timely to talk again about love.
It is understandable for a young person, especially anadolescent to confuse love with feelings. Adolescenceis a special and complex stage in one’s physical andphysiological development. One starts to getphysiologically atracted with another of the oppositesex. And this brings about feelings of varyingdegrees.
These are feelings that are confused with love. Butonce again, love is not feelings. Love does not residesolely in one’s feelings. Feelings may manifest love,but they are not it.
Where does love reside then? Love is in the will, thatinner faculty we have to choose the good.
It is the ability to love, to commit oneself to thegood of a relationship, for an example, thatdistinguishes us from animals. It is the ability touse our reason and free will that cuts us above thelevel of a beast. Because animals have feeling too.
Hence, our love cannot just be based on feelings.Young people usually say, “feel ko eh”. This mentalityleads to a lot of trouble. What if you don’t “feellike it” anymore? Hence, you see a lot ofrelationships falling apart for very mean reasons.
One day, a group of students in my class, whilewaiting for their laboratory work to progress, werediscussing why some women are called ‘female dogs'(for the sake of refinement, let me just use this).Very easy. A female dog gets into an affair with amale dog on the street anytime she “feels like it.”
A woman may perhaps experience similar feelings inmeeting a man. But if she wants to rise above thelevel of a female dog, she will use her reason andfree will to direct her feelings. She would, for anexample, ask herself, “is he my husband?” The samething holds true for a man who knows that he is morethan a beast.
To those who will wed this June, remember that lovealso entails a commitment. Love being in the willrather than in the feelings is understood more closelywhen it is committed.
Couples commit themselves to stay together for betteror for worse, for richer or poorer, in health or insickness, till death parts their ways. If love isbased on goo d, sugary feelings, it ends when thegoing gets tough.
Couples have to learn how to love not just the virtuesof their spouses, but their defects as well. Thehusband will not be as physically handsome and “macho”as he was and the wife will not be as pretty and slimas she was.
Hence, a spouse who confuses love with feelings willabandon the relationship the moment it gets trying anddifficult. Speak to any couple who have been tested bytime and you will learn a lot of lesons on love andcommitment.
This reminds me of a song i fondly call the “song offidelity”, and the chorus goes:
“I’d rather have bad times with you, than good timeswith someone else…I’d rather be beside you in a storm, than safe andwarm by myself…I’d rather have hard times together, than to have iteasy apart… ”
You may apply those lyrics to your relationship withyour spouse, or if you are a priest or a nun to yourdivine vocation, and why not, even in the fulfillmentof those acts of piety you decided to do as concreteexpressions of your love for God.
When you could sing those words by heart and meanthem, then you know what love is and what love means.I sing them myself when i feel the weight of mycommitments, and i send an SMS message to a friend whostarts to waver in his own commitments with a sample”i’d rather”. Then he understands.


1 Response to ““I Would Rather””

  1. 1 yUi-sAn February 27, 2005 at 9:47 pm

    id rather… =)

    Love is what is left over when being “in love” has burned away.. that’s why when i say i love you, im not in love with you… i just love you. =)

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